vipassana – take eight
Chain of Conditioned Arising
Forward Order (transmigration):
With the base of ignorance, reaction arises;
with the base of reaction, consciousness arises;
with the base of consciousness, mind and body arise;
with the base of mind and body, the six senses arise;
with the base of the six senses, contact arises;
with the base of contact, sensation arises;
with the base of sensation, craving and aversion arise; with the base of craving and aversion, attachment arises;
with the base of attachment, the process of becoming arises;
with the base of the process of becoming, birth arises;
with the base of birth, aging and death arise,
together with sorrow, lamentation,
physical and mental sufferings and tribulations.
Thus arises this entire mass of suffering.
::::
Reverse Order (emancipation):
With the complete eradication and cessation of
ignorance, reaction ceases;
with the cessation of reaction, consciousness ceases;
with the cessation of consciousness, mind and body cease;
with the cessation of mind and body, the six senses cease;
with the cessation of the six senses, contact ceases;
with the cessation of contact, sensation ceases;
with the cessation of sensation, craving and aversion cease;
with the cessation of craving and aversion, attachment ceases;
with the cessation of attachment, the process of becoming ceases;
with the cessation of the process of becoming, birth ceases;
with the cessation of birth, aging and death cease,
together with sorrow, lamentation,
physical and mental suffering and tribulations.
Thus this entire mass of suffering ceases.
I’ve long thought of myself to be on a healing journey, interchangeably using the term spiritual journey. A journey back to oneself, to the truest version, where there would be a
union of my higher divine self with my human self. It kept me in an energy of searching, there seemed to be something wrong, something that needed to be fixed, something that made me different, if only I could figure it out.
It started off innocently enough, there was a voice, when I first began meditating a decade ago, when asked to set an intention in those first few days, something internal said “I’m healing myself from the inside out”. A truth I’ve held dearly.
Why I started meditating is because I was suffering from depression and anxiety. But actually why I started meditating is because I had undergone the most significant ego death, though at the time I didn’t know that’s what it was. An old version of me had to die and I was grieving that, while also experiencing the anxiety of birthing a new version of me. Mind you, this was all happening subconsciously/unconsciously, what I was experiencing consciously was being fired from a job– FIRED.
It was the first time I had not exceeded standards, it was in an industry that I really wanted to get into because many others I knew were doing that, and it came with lots of fun benefits like working remotely, unlimited vacation time, equity, etc, etc. So it was devastating to be let go, all I could dwell on is how much this fucking sucks.
It was so shocking to my system that I was inadequate, a long held internal belief, that had surfaced from the subconscious through the dismissal. So, I held and cultivated this “new” conscious truth because there was evidence, I had been kicked out of the tribe. Previously I was a quick learner, I accommodated, contorted, and conformed so as in no way to make it possible that I was deficient, and therefore up to that point ensured my survival.
I did this in every area of my life as a people-pleasing, perfectionist. I had been a long time performing arts student of life, layering and caking on the makeup, showing
one bold face while internally rioting on the inside at the insanity I was experiencing, and self-abandoning every time I did so. I had become so astute that I didn’t even remember when or why it started, and that created even more separation between me and me– I’m not sure I had known peace since before I incarnated in this life, pre- 1986.
Traumatic events as a small kiddo and a budding teen, and ongoing trauma of growing up as a child of alcoholic parents who fought a lot had shattered my sense of self. Meditation became the most powerful opportunity for self-introspection. So I learned to sit, and I learned how to breathe, and I learned how to just be.
...breath is common and acceptable to everyone, but a word or form may be acceptable to some and not to others. – S. N. GOENKA
Vipassana focuses on the breath, and does not use visualizations or mantras or deities in order to ensure less distractions. Breathing which we do in all states of consciousness isn’t the only thing we all have in common, we all suffer, in big and small, in minor and significant, in as many varied was as there are individuals.
Some of the suffering is caused by others and much of the suffering is caused by the self. But the suffering we experience consciously is a culmination of the suffering happening at the nearly imperceptible levels of unconscious and subconscious. That’s why any therapy or healing modality that accesses those other levels of consciousness are the most powerful catalysts for change.
Seeking to end the suffering is noble, because there is an acknowledgment that there is suffering, and there is an acceptance of responsibility for our individual contribution to it. Taking action to end the suffering is different, it is courageous and requires abundant compassion, for the self and for others. It requires continuous devotion to the truth (being) and to make different choices (doing).
I used to judge myself for being a seeker, thinking it was wrong that I couldn’t just be happy being me. I thought for a while I was harshly judging that there was something wrong me, there was something that needed to be fixed about me, there was something that made me different, there was something figure it out about me. But actually all those things were true, both/and.
What was wrong with me is that I wasn’t being true to myself, I was masking for others. What needed to be fixed is how I know and honor my needs and my desires, independent of others. What made me different was that I wasn’t even allowing myself to know my queer self, let alone express it. What needed to be figured out was how to see myself so I could be myself, to love and accept myself as a sentient being, an individual first, within the collective.
The suffering comes from the misalignment of the internal knowings of the self, and the actions of the self. The suffering comes from the sensations we experience that keep us conforming or rebelling that cause harm toward ourself and others. The suffering comes.
This discovery is the unique contribution of the Buddha, of central importance in his teaching...What had been lacking was an understanding of the importance of sensation. Then as now, it was generally thought that our reactions are to the external objects of sense—vision, sound, odor, taste, touch, thoughts. However, observation of the truth within reveals that between the object and the reaction is a missing link: sensation. – S. N. GOENKA
The thing is, we’re the lucky ones. Yes, after all that, me, you, them, all of us as suffering–sentient beings. Because the thing is, there is hope, because change is possible. As Vipassana teaches everything is arising and passing, anicca, anicca, anicca. The truest truth is that there is no constant, there is only change.
When we feel disempowered by the stories we tell ourselves about the experiences we have encountered we must remember that there are infinite realities. The lens in which we are looking with perhaps is smeared with a bit of vaseline.
What a bunch of clowns we the lucky one’s are, addicts attached to feelings–that tug is the drug. The hit we get from the contact of the sensation that sends us into a mental orbit based on attaching judgments to it– does it feel good or bad– and then building a whole character, a whole life, a whole world around it– in an effort to recreate it or avoid it.
Those tiny little nucleus in the center of all our cells, vibrating in hate/fear, love/pleasure, pulsating through our bodies driving our actions through the subconscious and unconscious mind. How sensational to be alive!
But it is our choice to wipe the vaseline to gain more clarity and conduct a little revisionist history where something new emerges. That re-writing is empowering, it is the soul retrieval where we come into wholeness, it includes voices that were previously silenced, and it provides prospectives that fill in the gaps for misunderstood or incomplete theories. And this creates new truths.
And because we don’t want anyone to suffer the way we did, we do this work and strive to minimize the harm we cause to ourselves and others. This is that individual liberation for the liberation of all.
In Vipassana, any practice that interferes with the awareness of sensation is harmful, whether it is concentrating on a word or form, or giving attention merely to physical movements of the body or to thoughts arising in the mind. You cannot eradicate suffering unless you go to its source, sensation. – S. N. GOENKA
What I’ve come to realize is that what I value most in life is healing. Healing as in, I’m sick and tired of [whatever this is], I want it to change. Often, hilariously, I WANT IT TO CHANGE NOW! And because there is free will, I can choose to go on the journey.
And yes there will be limitations (sometimes significant) of my own and of society, but if I can breathe enough into the constriction of the restrictions, and transmute the anger generated from the injustices into creatively generating that experience which I desire, well then, I move from disempowered victim to empowered survivor.
These days there is less judgement, far less right and wrong, good or bad, broken or fixed; less duality. Now there is a spaciousness that allows for a spectrum that instead says I simply desire change and I’m up for the adventure of the experience.
Yes– thank you for the form, thank you for the word, thank you for the sensations that I am experiencing, I am ready for something different. I want, I need, I desire something else than what is.
Which is why non-duality is manically hilarious – because it is all the same same but different. Just a bunch of clowns walking around wanting everything we already have, just in a different form.
Without being awake, and conscious of our choices that sow the seeds of the future subconscious and unconscious we have the capacity to continue to recreate the suffering from which we are attempting to escape. Which is what Vipassana teaches, to intimately know the difference between sensations - thoughts - feelings - emotions so that we don’t take them so personally.
Once we can take things less personally we are free to just be. The stripping down, out of all the masks and costumes, to see oneself more clearly, and the reality of it all is liberating, and with a new lightness in that awareness, you can get off the meditation cushion and put your shoes back on, and just the clown nose and let life become a little fun.
Before enlightenment, big shoes, funny nose, after enlightenment, big shoes, funny nose. Yeah, this FUCKING SUCKS...but also, WE’RE THE LUCKY ONES.
As Goenka says, “May suffering people every where find the way out of their misery.” If you’re seeking, there is no charge to go on Vipassana retreat. It is by donation only, and they only accept donation after you have completed the course. There is no recommended donation amount, they won’t even disclose the direct cost of hosting you. Both monetary and volunteer service are acceptable forms of donation. It’s the ultimate all inclusive retreat - totally and completely life changing.
Dhamma Ujala in Clare, Australia
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